These tips for finding safe spaces are useful in navigating places we fear will be uncomfortable or can help us try to expand safe spaces to interact with. If you feel uncomfortable in an environment, how will you leave? Will you just walk out? Will you call a friend for support? Will you have someone who can guide you through a difficult situation? Like a fire alarm, we hope to never use it but feel safe knowing it is there. Allies can also go to the location early to explore the new setting and tell you what to expect before meeting them there. Tell an ally what you are looking for and what would help you to know if a place is affirming and welcoming. Invoking an ally to call ahead and ask about inclusion and affirming environments can be extremely helpful. Read comments folx have posted about satisfaction with the location, friendliness of staff, accessibility, and bathrooms. Who do they follow? Who has tagged this location? Who is represented in their pictures?Ī yelp or google search allows us to dive deep into the realm of reviews and photos.
Social media accounts are a good representation of how the location wants to be portrayed. Here are a few ways I have learned to navigate new spaces while going out with queer friends, by myself, or with my partner.
In collecting secure places, we are able to be genuine and authentic without holding back. Are you feeling judged or worried? Are you masking your identities? Ideally, having multiple safe environments we can engage in increases the resources around us. Take a minute to think about an environment that feels safe. How do we find spaces to be ourselves if our very existence is threatened and questioned both locally and globally? tips to find a queer-affirming, safe space The sad reality is that bills like Don’t Say Gay, threats to gay rights advocates, and investigations of gender-affirming care as child abuse are happening in this very moment.
Our attention has been focused on what not to do and left a gap in knowing how to actually find spaces to feel safe. Don’t use a public restroom, don’t kiss your partner, don’t speak in your authentic voice, etc. If you are queer or gender non conforming (GNC) you are probably aware of things you “shouldn’t do” in public. On a daily basis, we are exposed to hate crimes, racism, and hatred sprinkled throughout news and media. The act of finding a safe space can be daunting and sometimes makes staying at home seem more appealing. It’s the small things that make me feel unsafe-judging looks from across the room, quiet whispers, or even things as big and as blatant as being ignored or outright rudeness. As a queer POC with many hobbies and an endless desire for adventure, it’s hard to find places I feel affirmed and safe in. These three limitations can be rooted in identity or privilege, thus making self care a burden and even scary for those of us who hold marginalized identities. At times, there are barriers or challenges that can limit us from engaging in the things we love to do: time, money, and even safety.
Believe me, I am in full agreement that self care is important, but if it was as easy as “just doing it,” you would have done it already. As a therapist, I find clients are often interested in self care and how to incorporate this practice into their daily life.